Over the last couple of years my dad would often talk to me
about what I needed to do after he passed and also what he would like as far as
a memorial and his burial. It made me
unbelievably uncomfortable But I could tell it brought him some sense of peace
and comfort to talk about it and to know that everything would be taken care of
ahead of time and that we would be as inconvenienced as little as
possible. One thing he would often say
is he didn’t want me to speak at his memorial in a way that portrayed him as
some sort of saint. A perfect man with
no flaws. I guess he thought it was a
bit disingenuous. After all, no man is
perfect
So I am here to tell you all about the REAL Fred!
Just kidding.
That’s the funny thing about Fred though! He almost was that man. Not perfect, but a truly great man.
Like any two people who have known each other for 38 years,
our relationship changed over time. My
dad was 4 things to me. He was my father, my business partner, my best friend
and my hero. And they actually kind of
happened in that order.
For the first 22 years of my life, my dad was my
father. I don’t say that to diminish
that relationship. He was the most
amazing father a son could ask for. To
say my dad spoiled my brother and I would be an understatement. Christmas morning the floor of the family room
disappeared under a sea of presents.
Nothing gave him greater pleasure than to give us all the things he
never had growing up. We went on lots of
great trips and ate in the finest restaurants.
Those of course are all material things.
What he did best was to make sure that my brother and I never doubted
for one second that he loved us and that he was there for us. I can’t imagine anything more anyone could
want from a father. I am a dad myself
now and I strive every day to be half the father he was to me.
When I was 22, he became my business partner. By business partner I mean of course he let
me answer the phones at his office. I
don’t know a lot of people who could or would even want to work with their
parents. I have to say it was the best
decision I ever made. He taught me
everything he knew. He was patient and
understanding with the things I didn’t do well and encouraging and supportive
of the things I did. I think he was
proud that I followed him in to real estate and he selflessly worked until the
day he died, not for himself, but to make sure I was ready to run the office
and to try and pass on to me something of worth. My greatest hope is that he understood how
much that meant to me.
Over the next 15 years he became my best friend. Working with my dad and seeing him every day
definitely changed our relationship. It
changed from a father/son relationship to a friendship. We talked about things we had never talked
about and shared things we had never shared.
We also embraced new forms of communication. When
my dad first got his iPhone he asked ATT to disable the texting feature because
he didn’t know how to do it and he didn’t want to know how to do it. One day I finally convinced him to give it a
shot. After about six months of
intensive training, he finally got the hang of it. Well Fred became a texting MACHINE. He texted me constantly. It seems like every thought or idea that popped
in to his head got texted. I think he
thought it drove me crazy. The fact is,
I loved it. We didn’t just communicate
through texting though. If I ever needed
to talk to someone I always went to him.
He was my best friend and just like when our relationship was more
father and son, I knew he loved me and
I knew he always had my back.
The last 10 years he became my hero. The bravery and grace with which he handled
himself in his decade + battle with cancer inspired and touched me like nothing
else. Most people never knew how
difficult and long his battle was. He
didn’t tell many people and he sure as heck wasn’t going to show them. No matter how he was feeling he came to work
every day. He didn’t just show up. He somehow managed to be the always positive,
glass half full, every day’s a holiday and every meal’s a feast guy that
everybody knew and loved. It wasn’t
easy. He would often go home at the end
of the day and collapse in to his chair from sheer exhaustion. Exhausted,
but still positive, still more concerned with everyone but himself. I don’t know how he did it. He had a superhuman will to live. Not just to live, but to live well. . I
feel so blessed that I was able to be with my dad through this journey. The respect and awe I have for him can truly
not be expressed in words. I miss my dad
every day and I don’t expect that to change.
I wouldn’t want it to change. It
reminds me of the man he was and the man I want to be.
If I could just say one more thing. If my dad was the rock of this family then my
mom was the one holding up that rock. The
care, love and friendship she and my dad shared with each other is something I
will always cherish. Your strength and
courage through dad’s illness and after his passing have been a beautiful thing
and have only deepened the respect and love I already have for you.
I would like to finish up today with some words from my
father. Before he passed away, my dad
wrote a letter to his family. This is
the last paragraph of that letter.
“I have been fortunate enough to have done it all and I have
more friends than I can count. I got to
be a submarine driver, a top real estate agent and a successful Broker all in
one lifetime. I have travelled the half
of the world that I most cared about seeing and I have dined in fine
restaurants all over the globe. I’ve
cruised the Rhine and tasted honey and wine and I never stopped enjoying this
life for one single minute. Every day
was truly a holiday and every meal a feast.
If I had my life to live over again, I wouldn’t change a thing, except
perhaps my golf swing.
So please, when I am gone, don’t tell people that I died,
tell them that I lived!